i juz realised my blog has becomed quite stagnant for quite a while now. So yeah. i haven been updating either. So ystd was my 16 birthday. Went to church and kinda celebrated my bday. But i guess i still stay truthful to this blog. I felt emptiness all these while. yeaps! emptiness. The sad feeling in my heart that i have been facing for quite a while now. I dun mean to sadden my frens who are reading this blog that they haven done a great job. u guys did a great job and i truly appreciate it! the pineapple and gifts. But this is much more of a personal issue. Seomtimes when u think in life everything is over and a happy ending follows. i guess karma still comes. For someone who's a rotten egg in school. i guess i deserve this empty feeling in my heart. But i guess God is still good to me. Every night i have dreams of the kids in Yun hua chun and that's truly the happiest time of my whole day. spending time wit the kids in my dreams playing with them like how i used to at yun hua chun. but everytime i wake up. this empty feelings comes back again. Lets just say its basic knowledge. When there is a war, and the war ends. There is always aftermath. The recovery. I guess for me the war has ended and its time for me to heal the emotional damages done on me the past 4 years. oh well. God is still good to me. i guess he nvr fails anyone who has worked hard for him. I got $150 for good progress and getting it in jan. Guess its truly a blessing from God to reward me?haha. yes i guess it is.

And i guess the biggest issue to me right nw is pride. Tried speaking to Vincent abt it b4 but he was too busy. But i guess its time to stop depending on anyone to solve or give advices about my problem. i depended too much on people. time to start walking on my own two feet. But still i guess Vincent is right. When someone has alot of experience, he/ she tends to be proud. Thats truly dangerous. Nobody can bring me down but me. I guess i still am my own biggest enemy. I wanna be humble. i truly do. sometimes i wish that i have led a perfect life free from problems so i hv nothing to be proud about. and i guess i still have nothing to be proud abt now.

To church bro's and sisters: i may start acting like a rotten egg these few days but i hope u'd forgive me for it.
3:56 PM



Guess i am back from mission trip last friday. But i guess somehow i do not want to come back. i truly miss the kids there. Poor are they but happy are they too! They do not ask for more things which they can never have. Soemhow there is a lesson behind all these. I hate kids. I truly do. But these kids at yun hua chun opened up my heart to warmth and love. Something i closed up on 2 years ago. I miss so mani kids there. But i guess i am kinda sad the younger kids didnt sent us off when we left. But still. I will fight for the chance to go back next year. So i guess my judging is correct. Kids in singapore are truly spoilt. And i saw a living example today. A kid same age as yhc kids but spoilt. I am not saying i am not spoilt. But truly my eyes have been opened. Did loads of things we can nvr do in singapore. Rode on a motorbike, cruised the mountain, Visit waterfalls, see loads of weird insects and creatures, went up mountains above cloud level and loads of other things. i guess all i yearn for is a simple lifestlyle which i got at yun hua chun. Naturally i forgot all about the hustle and bustle in singapore and lived with nature. Living with nature is truly beautiful. We slept w/o fans and air con but nature provided us with sleeping comfort. natural "air-con" which was better than technology. Its funni i guess. I used to Hate teachers but i became a teacher at yhc. I understood the difficulties of teaching. And i guess i do feel guilty for doing all those mean thigns behind teachers. But i guess it truly is eye opening. I will realli fight for the chance to go back next year. I will. I guess its time for people reading these blog to re-evaluate their city life and what sole purpose it is living on.
9:49 PM



1.33am. Amazing i am updating at this hour when i have a meeting tomoro. haha. oh well. Its just those days again when i lie around all day and do nothing. Yes i am aware my mum wants me to do the household chores and if possible. find a job. But i guess i am addicted to slacking. Its good to be born lazy by nature. No point getting all hectic everyday and all worried and it just takes away the fun of living in this hectic world. Woke up this morning and at last i get to breath the morning air and watch the sunrise. its beautiful. It trueli is. The morning air is so cooling and refreshing but sometimes people just do not knw how to appreciate nature. Everyday they wake up and go to werk without slowing down to enjoy nature. I guess in life there are mani things for u to enjoy and i guess its up to u whether u wanna slow down and enjoy them or not. I aint born and active person i guess. And i guess i work it to my advantage. Guess that is why i am always so stress free.

IN life we are put into situations in which no one likes it and i guess things happen jus like that. Being placed into a situation is one thing. how u handle it is another. ALright. SO lets just say this. I was with Nana for 7 months and it took me 4 months to get over her which is around a year. Over this period of time i didnt know how to deal with things and i came out of it and i learnt nothing. But i onli needed 3 weeks with cassandra and 1 week just to get over her and i learnt loads of things. U see the irony? Sometimes in life u dun need a big big problem to learn. We just need something small to learn. But what matters is how u work the situation to ur advantage. Its cool isn;t it? I guess its just time to put right ur mindset. If ur mindset is right. Nothing in life is a tragedy. Every downfall is a learning experience. If u r reading these. U may know what i am saying. But what i say only becomes real when u apply it. Our brain is created and its wonderful. It can store tons and tons of stuffs and it nvr runs out of space. Beautiful isnt it? SOmetimes i marvel at my own brain even when people call me stupid. But in life. No one is stupid. Its ur mindset. ;P

So i was just reading a book abt youth ministry that Vincent gave me. I guess what it said is true. Things became clear to me that what i was doing al these while is wrong. I guess one thing to know is that I am strong but not because i am strong. But because God is strong. I guess there's nothing for me to boast abt what i've learnt. I admit i am having alot of problems with my own pride. I am starting to look down on people. But i guess its time to do the right thing. God dun need super knowledge to run a youth ministry. He doesnt even need me. So there is realli nothing for me to be proud about. I guess in life i can onli see other people when i place myself behind others. its true. Beautiful words taken from the show princess hours. haha. See! U can learn things even by watching shows. Dun waste whatever u are doing people. U may be doing the worse thing on earth but it can be ur strength if u know how to put ur mindset right.

Oh yes. One last thing. There seems to be an increasingly debate over how women are more superior than man. Everyday i hear pop stars singing how they dun need man. Dun get me wrong. i am not fighting for men's sake. But i guess b4 anyone of the sexes say anything. Question urself. W/o men. There can be no children nor woman. W/o women. There can oso be no man nor children. And women. Depending on man is a choice. Its on ur own freewil. Its time people started to understand why god created both man and women like this. It is a big sign to show that man and woman are both equal. Man need a woman's vagina, and woman need a man's penis for the world to continue going. Its a fair thing. NO favourtism. I personalli do not look down on females. Nothing gives me a right to look down on females. They r strong in their own ways. forgive me for the rude usage of the sexual organs in my entry. But its natural. Nothing to be sensitive about.
1:33 AM