Wednesday, January 30, 2008
I woke up this morning only to realise my friend "heartbroken" has left my house after his 1 day stay with me. And i spent the rest of my day chasing after my first love. I turned my back on my first love and now the moment i turned my back and started to run back to my first love, i realised my first love was still at the original place where i left him. He smiled at me when he saw me running back.
I asked to be fed, he gave me hands to cook. I asked to run, he gave me legs to run. I asked if i could do well for my test, he gave me brains to think. I asked if i could enjoy a good show, he gave me eyes.
But when i asked if i could go to heaven, he took away everything from me and stripped me naked. I was made to start anew, but he gave me new set of armour, one made by his own hands.
11:46 PM
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I have a friend named "heartbroken" and he is a universal friend. Known by everyone who have feelings. Well, he being a personal friend of mine, wad can i say about him? He used to be a frequent visitor at my house when i was younger. When i reached the age of 17 he visits me lesser. But right now he is back to visit me again. He's just right on my bed playing with my handphone games while i am typing this entry. I come to realise after his frequent visits that he doesnt make me sad. All he ever did was to make breathing difficult for me. Yeaps. Make breathing difficult for me i realised. All i ever needed to do was to breath harder and i am all better : ). I cant chase him away when he visits me. But all i can do is make my house very difficult for him to stay in so he would leave faster. I learnt that if i make my house very comfortable to live in, obviously he would stay longer. So all i needed to do was to make it difficult for him to get comfortable. Well, although he is staying with me right now, he is about to leave soon in a few days time. Just staying on for a few days. : )
I have a friend named "sadness" and he is still a frequent visitor to my place. Unlike my other friend "Heartbroken", "sadness" has been living with me for quite a long time now. Well, all i can say is that i wun attempt to make "sadness" uncomfortable living in my house. WHY? "sadness" has been one of my oldest friends and he is one of my co-partners in building up my house. One of the major architects responsible for the blueprints of my house. But who is the chief architect in building my house? His name is "mistakes" : )
Goodnight people : ) Goodnight my friends. I will see you again tommorow and we will drink and smoke till we die.
10:15 PM
Monday, January 28, 2008
I met up with Kai just last week and i finally got the happy ending i have always waited for. Oh, the Kai i am talking bout is not hong Kai. Its Kairul. One of my old frens. He's back in singapore after a period of time and he called me and asked me out to talk. Was damn shocked to get his phone calls. So i am very happy Joe and Lina are both doing very well and Kai has his own business now. No more black market business now. All legal although he isn't as rich now. But im really glad all of us have moved on with life now. All grown up and doing something for the society instead of screwing it up. Kinda sad joe, Lina and Nizam couldnt come back to see me. Gets kinda weird without them around. AAAhhh the old days of driving around the country in Joe's car. Guess its all over and back to bus'es for me. haha. Im very happy also to hear that Vicky at his second try of O levels he managed to be able to get into polytechnic!!! haha. That week for me really was a week of reformations. Denny one of my secondary friends also lasered away his tatoo's and quit gang activities from which i heard. I guess its about time we move on and grow up. I look at the gangsters near my neighbourhood and sometimes i realise when they would move on with life?
yeaps!! Finally i can lie down on my bed and sleep peacefully : ) . Life really is good when u have definite answers instead of wondering bout things all the time. Stupid life.
10:24 PM
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Somehow i just have this feeling i am being played with. Its just like how my ex used to play with me and den dump me for someone else and even have to cheek to backstab me. Somehow it is better that i recover my feelings for her than get hurt. Maybe its revenge? Maybe i am thinking too much. But i really hate it when u purposely get close to someone and den let the person misunderstand that u like em den u drop the bomb dat u have no feelings for the person. Hopefully this shit doesnt happen to me. : (
5:42 PM
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Today is thurs. Dumb day it has been. Went for a 1 hour lecture and another 1 hour tutorial. Found out debarrment period is over so i decided to skip my 5 hour crazy practical lab. Hector, Sq, nen wei and me decided to go to Singapore poly again to eat there. Ate the thai food at canteen 4. Damn good food. Might be going back there to eat again!!! haha. We then went to the science block 4th floor coz we wanted to use the loo. And then suddenly 4 of us started camwhoring. So i decided to upload the photos. : )
If wnna see more of the pics go to http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=17377&l=21fa0&id=628367764
toorah fools!!
4:50 PM
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Very depressing day indeed. I got this friendster msg from this guy and the message is as follows.
"hi can make friends? =)
got msn? i'm often online we can chat
full_of_pics@hotmail.com
hope we can hangout sometime and get to know each other better =)
i'm often free after 7pm "
This message launched me into a straight 180 degree depression. This is the 3rd time i have attracted a gay and i am tired of it. what to do?
10:59 PM
Sunday, January 20, 2008
I decided to flip through the pages of my secondary school report book and all i saw was pages after pages of E8's and F9's and lousy comments from my teachers. And I saw my sec 4 results and in one particular one report slip, my principal personally wrote a comment in my report slips criticzing me and my attitude. Was'nt very bothered with it until i went out with Vincent on friday. So Vincent was telling me that he read a newspaper report on how secondary school students, 6 out of 10 weaker students only manage to get into polytechnic. The rest got kicked into ITE or even stop school. And he told me the first thing he thought was about me and how i almost couldnt make it. Then i realise what has been happening. And i guess all i can do now is give thanks! And then i realised the people around me in secondary school were'nt as blessed as me. Most went to ITE and some repeat their O's and some even stop school. Only a few made it into poly. And i was one of the lucky ones who made it into poly. And then i realised that i have been doing stupid complaints about how hard being a Christian is. But i forgot that when i made a choice to follow God when i was in sec 4, God himself made a breakthrough for me and got me into Ngee ann poly. Although i didnt get A's for my O levels, i got B3 for my science which i am very thankful for. God gave me a whopping jump of F9 for science to B3 for science. And so i guess even so i am persecuted now, let it be then. At least i know now that being in Ngee ann poly is a great gift from God : )
12:30 AM
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Every night i pray hoping for a way out. Only to realise to i have to fight even when i feel like giving up. Why did you Lord choose me to be in this school? Why Lord did u choose me to be persecuted? Why did you Lord send your message so late to me? Your spirit prophecised to me that i will be persecuted. But i have never expected it to be so painful.
Why do these people expect me to be perfect? Why do they persecute me and blaspheme your name just because of my little fault? I preach a message of how imperfect Christians are that we need perfect God. Why do they persecute me for a mistake i made? If they want to find fault with me they could have found it so easily from my past. I preached a message of forgiveness, not perfectness! Why have they misunderstood me? But my Lord my God, how it hurts me that i ruined your name! What could be more painful than dissapointing you!? What could be more hurting than failing you??!! My heart hurts so much that they blaspheme your son and smear your name with filthy talk. But what can i do?? All i could do was to laugh but cry in my heart!! Why have you put me in a battle where i can never lose my temper?? Why is this spiritual warfare so difficult even though i was made to smile when they persecute me? But then can i say i give up?? I cant give up the moment i started preaching your message!! How painful it is to see my persecutors burn in hell!! How painful it is to see these people who blaspheme your name suffer in the place of darkness!! How then can i give up??
My Lord my God!!! I am only 17 years old. Why have you put me in a spiritual warfare that adults fight??? My friends are enjoying life enjoying school. All my life i never got to enjoy school. After i chose to follow you, everywhere i go i got persecuted!!! Why did your prophecy hurt me so much my Lord?? I am so jealous when people tell me secondary school is fun!! How much i want to enjoy it. But why did you fill my teenage years with persecutions? Why did i have to pay such a big price because of someone else's mistake? I was chased after like a wild animal being hunted. When the knife was placed against my neck, all i saw was your will!! I saw a life of so much pain for your name. When his blood filled my hands i saw your love, i understood why your son had to die for us.
My Lord my God!! When my spirit was pulled out of my body and i saw a dark hole of pain. How my heart was filled with fear!!! Why did your voice then pull me back???!! When i was crushed by a demon, why did you teach me to use your name to exorcise my own body??!! Why did i exorcise my own body??!!! Why do demons attack me??!?
My Lord my God!!! How painful it was when i hurt you!! But how painful it was even more when you continued to love me even though i failed!! Who would love a failure?? All i could do was to crave and hunger for you even more!! Who is this God that could do such wonders!!?? I am ashamed to even hear of your words! But yet i silently crave your words and your presence!! I am so scared to hear of your words, for i know it would strike a sword through my heart and fill me with guilt. When i was filled with your presence, i could do things a weakling like me couldnt do. But when you hid your face from me, i feel like a lost sheep wondering around and stumbling!! All these have only taught me that i cannot do anything without you!!
The world hates me and demons attack me Lord!! I have already reached the edge of my road and strength. But even so, keep me from falling over the edge my Lord!!
10:41 PM
Monday, January 14, 2008
I study in electronic and computer engineering. And thus i have to do electrical wires blah blah blah. And we were made to buy this toolbox which includes all the things we need for our module. So Patrick was saying that this toolbox when held by girls bring down their sex appeal which contributes to a big "turn off". So i decided to do some photos to see if it really does lower a girls sex appeal.
This is the culprit a.k.a Mr toolbox. So we shall study a few celebrities and decide the outcome of it.
Project no 1: Jessica alba.
Pretty isn;t she? So we see when the toolbox has been added on. ===>
omgomgomgomg!! Such a big turn off!! oh well. Our next project. Miss Beyonce Knowles===>
Now we see when that toolbox has been added on. ===>
So as we all can conclude. Thx toolbox really turns a guy off. damn.
10:37 PM
i decided to update my blog realising its been stagnant for a period of time. So here is my entry.
But as i was about to type my entry i couldnt think of anything to type. So i deicded to end this entry. sigh. how cruel life has been
9:49 PM
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Just came home and having splitting headache. But it did not stop me from camwhoring. So decided to upload some photos bahs.
4:33 PM
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
School nowadays...boring? oh well. Got back my second module's result. got 69 out of 100. Was very angry coz i taught hector and patrick. Ended up the person i taught got higher than me. I got 69 hector got 74. I learnt a lesson never to trust hector again. He kept telling me that he didnt know shit and ended up he got higher. haiz. heart pain.
Fought with the school canteen uncle today. Was super damn pissed off. He rose the price of spaghetti. I am fine with that. I paid an extra 1 buck for chicken and all he gave me was 2 pathetic pieces of chicken. Gave him attitude. Walked away. But i wasnt very happy at all. I went back to the store again and slammed the plate of spaghetti at the uncle and told him i wanted my money back. He said he cook le cannot refund. Den i say damn expensive den i stare at him damn angrily. He gave me 2 bucks worth of chicken this time round and shut the hell up. He even wanted to charge me money for the extra pieces of chicken!! I just took the plate and walked away. Been wanting to screw uncles like him. damn, might consider doing it again 2moro.
Stayed back after school today from 5pm to 9pm to finish up our ecpro project. Took a pic of us 4 together.Nice isn't it? lol. jk jk. Spent most of our project time installing hellgate:london. haha!! And i soooo fell in love with this game. But i am more of waiting for cabal sea to be out then chiong liao. Hellgate just take time slack and relax and play bahs. Hellgate i love you muack muack muack!!!
11:58 PM
Sunday, January 06, 2008
I just find things very stupid if u ask me. Before you were a leader you didnt even bother getting to know people. But only after you become someone else's leader then you actually start taking effort to know someone better. If you wanna know someone better, then take effort even before you are a leader. So then you ask me, who do i take as my leader? This is my answer to you. 3 years ago when my life was in danger and i spent my time day and night scared for my life. And then 4 years of living in pain crying each night to bed. 1 year of running for my life hoping that my trip home from school nobody would kill me. And when the knife was placed against my neck. When i cried alone at home!! Who the fuck was there for me? Who in the fucking world is my leader that time? Who actually bothered to talk to me and comfort me? Who was there to hear my cries and actually ask to know more about me? Not one fucking soul was even there.
And i ask why isit that when everything is over that people start coming to talk to me and want to know me more? Why isit that people suddenly start coming forth and actually want to have a heart to heart talk? Why isit that people even want to counsel me? Why isit that people actually place their authority over my head?
I say there is a difference between being appointed as my leader and being my leader. If you are my leader just because some stupid authority says that you are, then i will never follow!! Do you people actually think that being appointed as a leader makes you a leader? Do you even need a title then you start carrying out your leadership duties? Yes i can crap and yes i can make jokes and be crazy. But dun even try to place authority over me just because some goon says that you are my leader blah blah blah. You even try to do that then you wun see a happy me.
Nobody was my leader, Nobody still is my leader. This is the reason why i refuse to share deep things with anybody. The church can do whatever arrangements they want and they can place whatever leaders they want over me. Go ahead and be your leader. Do whatever you want, i wun stop you. Coz nobody is a leader in my heart.
1:36 AM
Thursday, January 03, 2008
i just have this freaking bad feeling that 2008 is gonna be a very screwed up year. I am certainly off to a bad start. Was just on the way back from 429, time was around 11.30pm. The journey from 429 walk all the way to my house no bloody cops. Just when i reached my house downstairs i got my 2nd screening by those damn cops. The first time i was stopped by police didnt bring my IC. This 2nd time suay suay tio coz i bring IC. Took down my IC no and let me off. sway la sia.
2nd suay thing this year is today in school. Played "true or dare" during our 2 hour lunch break. Nobody dared to take dare, all take "true". Me and my big mouth say they all humji say should take dare then take handphone number from a ngee ann girl. Swee swee next spin i tio. Bo bian must go and take hp no from a girl la. Pretty but i got no interest. But i kena reject. damn paiseh sia. Somemore at canteen 1!! So mani chio bu dere. I no face go back sch liao la.
3rd thing suay today! Patrick wanted to go to boon lay interchange so i told him to follow me coz near my house. I told him to take 185 with me thinking that 185 got go to boon lay interchange. So i got down. 30mins later he call and scold me say he in some ulu ulu place! Den scold me on the phone. Sialah, 2moro must pay him back the cab fare. Me and my big mouth.
4th thing suay today!! Was so damn bloody excited to take back my AEL results den swee swee lecturer never come. Sialah!! Hot sia i. Den kena a 2 hour break. Which led to that true or dare incident. sianz la sia.
5th thing suay todaY!! Was at the bus stop waiting for 185. But also can take 99. So i and Patrick waiting for the bus. Suddenly got 2 girls , One red shirt one green shirt walk by us. The green shirt one smile at me. The red shirt one smile at Patrick. SIALAH!! Den they both took 99. Wanted to take but Patrick too shocked and stunned to move. Then the bus door close liao. Siaoliao lors. BOTH OF THEM ARE BLOODY PRETTY!!! haiz. Then bo bian take 185. Go up the bus inside all aunty and ah pek. siao liao lors.
Happy 2008 Nathan
11:49 PM
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
I came across the worst joke ever told 5am on a saturday morning. The conversation is as followed.
*NUDGES ME*
Dean : Hey dude!!! I just got a new joke and its damn funny!! Wanna hear it!!??
Nathan : Awake at this hour? haha.
Nathan : Ok sure. No prob, tell me bout it. : )
Dean: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Dean: Gettit??!
*Silence for around 40 seconds*
Dean: erm......
Dean : nvm....
*Blocked contact from msn*
Happy new year assholes
12:58 AM
