Lets just hope that my temper holds out as long as my spirit can. I am just gonna admit that i aint a person with incredible patience. So dun be surprised if i decide to flare up in school. Oh well. Electrical tech SUcks sucks sucks sucks sucks X100000000. Who can understand what they are talking about? You shoot us with 96 pages full of equations and rubbish and expect us to understand it for common test. ARGH!!! i cant believe i cried while doing El tech. Its been ages since i last cried. And this is the first time that school work has ever made me cry. But i thank God i am doing fine for Eng mec and EG1. haiz. So who is to blame? The lecturer or me? Obviously me and no one else. My temper was going up last night and i was given a choice. Wouldnt tell you guys what choice i was given. But surely my temper was going straight up to the roof. But hey! i fell asleep and i distinctly remembered my dream. I was given a chance to release my anger!! yes!! I threw my temper in my dream!! I screamed practically at almost everyone!! And i woke up feeling super at ease and happy. aaahhh. haha. how nice. To be able to let go off my temper but not show it to anyone.
8:40 PM
Its amazing how you people can laugh at me for stating the fact that teenage relationships often lead to premarital sex. Was i wrong to state that? Does stating the fact that teenage BGR lead to premarital sex means i am crazy for sex? Dun you people surf pornography in class? Does this give you a right to say that i am worse? You people want me to treat you well and expect me to do things for u and expect me to hold my temper and put up with all your nonsense?? And yet you people persecute me when i did nothing wrong? You people can continue laughing and mocking at me. I am just gonna continue being in my slackey mood. Sometimes there is no point argue'ing with people who think they are always right. Might as well keep quiet and do my own stuff. But still. I guess my prayer came true. Lets just hope that prayer will hold up till i die. But still, being slackey is cool! Forgive me if i sound very angry in this blog. Everyone's gotta let go of some anger in them once in a while. Feel much more at peace again : )
12:26 AM
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Funny how when i started dating i wanted absolute control over a girl. I would fight with her for the dumbest reason and thinking that it would make us closer. I wanted total submission of her to me. But one of them stood up against my self proclaimed reign of power over her and we fought all the time and both refused to say sorry. I thought it would make us closer but it was only making things worse. I only realisd how childish i was 3 years after that relationship. After 7 failed relationships. I can only look back on how foolish i was and regret it. Never proclaim power over a girl. They are humans too with feelings. Both man and woman are equal when they stand before God. So Klinton, dun fight with Aini anymore. Learn to shower her with love ya? She loves you and you know it bro. Dun drive her away with useless fights but attract her with love ya?
This attraction to her. Its getting so much more stronger. Can you give me a reason to say no? But i rather no one give me any advice. Coz i might just reject and ignore them and go after her.
To be honest, i dream to be in heaven. But i can never imagine what it is like in heaven. I want a close relationship with God but i can never fully picture God's love. Who can? This amazing thing called "love".
Am i getting proud? If i am, why am i proud of the wrong things? Why do we have pride? Why isit that difficult to learn humility? Why does a 16 year friendship turn into backstabbing because of the fight of leadership? Why do you put the desire of having sex into me but ask me resist it? Why do you put attraction to another individual in me but want me to resist it? How long more do i have to wait??
8:10 PM
Friday, May 25, 2007
time now is 7.37am and its a friday!!!! weekends are here. Now still waiting for lessons to start. At atrium with poh khae and vicknes. haha. oh well. common test in 1 week time. and my 2 weeks break will be here. Poly is so relaxing nia. study for 7 weeks break 2 weeks. study for another 7 weeks then break 2 months. shiok!!! haha. Hui zi coming with me for my lecture den after that going to meet kai and nya oo with her. oh well.
7:37 AM
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Cut my hair at last!! haha. Satisfactory to me bahs. haha. Hui zi followed me go cut and didnt know she knew the haircutter so well. Started talking cock while cutting my hair. Kinda fun with her around. haha. And after that Mei yu joined us. She is kinda pretty and cool. haha. Not bad i must say. Found out how messed up Hui zi's life is. What to do? Funny how she stills think that i still smoke. Quitted a long time ago. Maybe that shows how long its been since i last met her. But still after so long, still funny and joking when i am with her. HAO JIE JIE!!!! haha! muackz muackz!
Common test coming up!! so happy to find out that we only have common test for 3 modules wheeeeee! So good!! and and i found out that one of my friends who is deaf and mute is a christian!! haha. How joyful it is! He looks like Ah bee but it is for sure that his heart is so much better than Ah bee.
And and!! Dun ever buy drinks from Ngee ann's vending machines!! I bought ice milo for the first time. I got plain water. The second time Zhao pei bought it, he pressed for more creamer and sugar. They gave him NO MILO!! Guess what they gave him? ERES CORRECTO!! JUST CREAM AND SUGAR!!! budget nia the school. how sad.
Hui zi made me miss the old days and all the funy memories we had. oh well. Gonna miss my frens. But not gonna miss the school. Haiz...Giving her up sure aint easy. Still struggling hard to give her up.
9:02 PM
Monday, May 21, 2007
You touch God's chosen people and you set yourself at war with God himself. Time to be smart people. The same way how if you create trouble in church that God will discipline you. For this, i have decided to give her up. maybe when the time comes i will be wiser with greater fear for him.
The morning sun is your art and the trees are your masterpiece. You make the trees beautiful and you make the waters clean. The same way you can make anyone beautiful inside with you as the artist. May the world see your art and praise you for you are the best artist anyone has ever seen. You have created masterpieces all over the world yet foolish people looked down on them and spat on them. How long will these people slow down and appreciate your beauty?? How long will people understand that you are the one who has drawn them beautifully and yet you have every power to strip them down and tear them into pieces?? Why does your artpieces fear other artpieces yet they hold no fear for the artist? When that day comes you will strip down and tear away pieces that think highly of themself and you will honour the ones that submit to your artistry in humility and reverence.
How long do i have to wait to finish your artistry in me? Make me the wonderful masterpiece you had in mind for me long before you started drawing me. Who can stop you from finishing your masterpiece in them?
8:55 PM
Sunday, May 20, 2007
My First prayer of anything. The next time i get perscuted again, may i be persecuted coz of you Lord. May i be blameless and living an upright life and be persecuted for it. Its gonna suck. But who am i to choose the cup which i will drink from? I was persecuted last time for my mistakes. I really do hope i have paid the price for my mistakes. Muackzzzzz to you God!!! thank you for dying for me!! Love you sweetheart!!
My second request. I pray for the girl whom i like that she will put u in her life first before anyone. Whether i like her or not. May she always put u first in her life.
The biggest question!! do i chase after her??! Create trouble in church and the Lord will discipline me. haiz.
9:09 PM
Saturday, May 19, 2007
does age really matter in a relationship? i guess it realli depends much on the individual. But anthing goes bahs. I have dated girls older than me. 1 older than me 2 years. not much age issue in our relation. Broke up coz of some issue. But still. back to the topic. Personally age doesnt matter at all. Seen before a sec 4 friend stead with a primary 4 girl. Thats the ultimate one la. haiz. I dun mind dating a sec 1 girl even though i am in poly. But for me. she must be at least sec 1!! haha. I will nvr ever date primary school girls NO!! haha. But what matters is the maturity of an individual.
Breaking up sucks. haizzz. But i guess that serves as a warning not to start a relationship without much thought.
Feelings for her growing stronger! But do i hide it well? one things for sure that i will ignore girls whom i like. Weird? thats me if u ask. This is so that no one will disturb me just coz i like that girl. Her eyes. amazing!
Who can resist the ultimate temptation? mmmmmmm. oreo cheesecake!
11:14 PM
Thursday, May 17, 2007
So i woke up early this morning and i prepared to go to school. And went into my room and noticed my old bible. Its been years since i last touched it coz my sis gave me a new bible and i love it! But still, something kept bugging me about that bible. Something i seem to have kept inside and forgotten about it. So i decided to open it seeing i have much time to spare. Flipped through the pages and i came onto a piece of paper. It indeed was something i have forgotten about. It was my Will. Yes my dear readers reading this blog. it was my Will. I wrote it 3 years ago before the day that i should have died. And it was my message to my family. Amazing isn't it?! I left it there so that my family would find it. But it was me who found it 3 years later! alive and kicking full of joy! THANK GOD!!
A man in depression was asked, If he were standing before God and he was asked this question, "why do you think you deserve to go to heaven?" What would that man say? The man thought in silence and finally replied. "I do not deserve to go to heaven and i deserve nothing but hell. But i am able to go to heaven because i believe Jesus died for my sins and i am forgiven". Praise the Lord for this man's answer. Because that is the foundation of our faith. Our foundation is not built on what we have done, but because of what God has done for us. Praise you Lord. Because of you we stand in confidence of dwelling with you in heaven. Amen!
8:24 PM
Monday, May 14, 2007
*edits previous post* Nathan decides to be a man and finally decides to do his assignments for once! He happily logs on to Maths online and finishes all the questions. And the next day he went to tutorial class only to find out that he did his assignments on the wrong URL and all work isn't submitted. He goes into depression mode thru the week only to find out that depression doesnt work on him anymore. He meets up with his church friends and no longer can depression mode hold him down as he breaks into his all hell mode and starts crapping with his friend. Nathan got a phone call from his beloved sister asking him where is the shop he bought the earring from. He told her and mom that is was bought at NOVENA SQUARE and the conversation went on without coming to a conclusion. And after 4 agonizing phone calls on inquiring where that bloody shop was. He happily realised that his mum was searching for that shop in UNITED SQUARE!! But Nathan was'nt angry at all! NO! he isn't. Because he got the assurance that his patience has grown greatly. Nathan doesnt notice it at all until Mr Ray and Joshua assures him of it. He rejoices because he has gained one of the fruits of the spirit. He looks onto life even with more anticipation as he works towards getting the next 8 fruits. My father and ancestors stood for what is right in life and that practice will not go down with me. My ancestors lived an upright life of honesty and integrity and with much honour. But they were poor. But because they were poor they shown the value of self worth without money. Someone told me that the church is soon to fall apart. Main problem? money. yeaps. heard me right. Money. I guess being rich isn't much of a big thing at all. Money corrupts the soul and leads it down to hell. I am not saying having money is a bad thing. A rich person without control over their greed for money is like a driver driving a car without brakes and he will kill anyone who stands in his way. Someone once questioned me what do i expect of my wife. I replied that i do not ask much from my wife. But she has to know that being with me means that she has to give up the dream of being rich and live with me the life of a poor man. yeaps. i aint planning to work my ass off just for the sake of money. I happily think that i do not have much assignments to do when my friend wakes me up with a webpage choke full of assignments!!! I am screwed!! gotta rush my online assignments! who says poly life is easy? tell that ass to bleahs off!
3:33 PM
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Funny how boys in my class are so desperate for females attention. hmmm, i maybe am desperate too! but surely not as desperate to just take any girl for the sake of having a girlfriend. thats just plain stupidity. But the girls surely are enjoying all the attention. Right Shahidah? haha. have you heard of how the crazy driver met a crazy pedestrian? Hear the story of mine. Everyday the walk to ngee ann is a torture. But funny how waking up 30 minutes earlier can get you 1 more hour of rest! haha. The time will come when i'll join the rest of the nerds in my church. People who study and study....and study! it will come soon. Its just a matter of time. Just wait! we come from 2 different sides of society and her situation is not the time for relationships. so its time to give up and move on like how i gave up liking 99999999999999999 girls. amazed at the number of girls i liked before? It just merely means i've done it alot of times and this time is just....another time. But chill Nathan!! we will be growing up together, and when she's older and God allows, she will be urs. No worries. : ) Oh well, mothers day tomoro! And after that i will be back to Ngee ann to fight an aliance of villian Lecturers!! From the lecturer whose rambling will bore you to death! Boredom queeen!! And the lecturer whose blurness will vandalise OHP screens! Screen lady!! And to the Blinkey eye lecturer who kills with eye lasers! Well, her name is just, well....Blinkey! And many other arch Enemies to defend Singapore against! Stay tuned to the adventures of Muthu And the Muggers of the Universe!! daily from 8am to 5pm on channel ngee ann!! Watch more and win in our lucky draw! Be our Lucky winner and you might just win a lecture by the villians of the show for 3 whole days!! Stay tuned and win!!
12:17 AM
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
So i couldnt sleep last night coz i was feeling very unwell. And i was wondering why cant i just die on the spot. Then somehow memories came back that showed me 7 incidents when i almost or could have died. But all this 7 incidents failed to take away my life. 2 incidents where i attempted suicide, 3 of which includes fights, 1 in which a snake almost bit me, and 1 in which a car almost knocked me down. Maybe i still have something left to accomplish here. Maybe God has a will for me here and wun take me away until i fulfil it. but somehow i have a feeling it will only be accomplished when i am older. Not now thats for sure. I guess i will just wait. Just like how past prophets waited for the prophecy to be fulfiled.
2:21 PM
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Down with fever now wheeee! haha. most likely i wun be going to school 2moro. But who cares??! haha. If there's one thing i realised, that is i study so much better on my own! damn i should have done it earlier. Studying alone on saturday and solving my first question in Mechanic engineering gave me great encouragement to study even harder! Who says God doesnt answer prayer? U just have to wait! So i was going to church today with fever. There was this "gangster" sitting in front of me and he raised his knee up against the back of the chair in front of him. Something we youngsters love doing. So i sat behind him and i tot he wouldnt mind me doing the same thing, so i lifted my knee against his seat. Just after i raised my knee he turned around and started swearing at me throwing all sorts of curses at my parents. He said this to me " eh fuck la kanina! can dun put ur leg like dat or not, u knowing its damn fucking irritating to me or not?". And all i answered was that he himself put his knee like dat but no one complain, but people cant do the same thing to him. I was totally shocked at his selfishess! Is this the type of youngsters that singaporeans are bringign up nowadays? I said that this world is so full of shitty people and i stand even stronger for it today! When i was young i loved watching power rangers. But one question that was always stuck in my mind is this. Why do the villians want to destroy the world.? Den where do they want to live? But today, i see what this world is coming to, i'd rather we all get wiped out from the face of this earth than to continue our hypocrisy. This world is filled with all sorts of filth. haiz. When will you Lord take us away?
7:45 PM
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
"With beauty come vanity" Something i made up after years of observation. Does it realli matter if u have good looks? i guess it doesnt realli matter bahs. People have lost their heart because of looks. Its a blessing to have good looks. But lets just stop at blessings shall we? Dun let looks become "you". Dun let looks become who you are. Just looks and nothing else. Dun be what the bible says by "a beautiful cup on the outside, but inside they are filled with bones and all sorts of filth".
I was taught not to let my blog become me. Its just a sub-concious thing i guess. You blog your feelings and you talk about how you are on your blog. Basically you express your personality on blog, friendster blah blah blah. And in real life, you are just a person who cant express your feelings. i am not sure if that is happening to me but i guess i nid time. for sure i do not do that in church. But i still gotta adapt to my new enviroment in ngee ann.
I doubt i will be dating anyone in ngee ann for long. And i hold no interest for girls in my class. i tink i'll just continue being my nerd and learn to hate the world so i will desire death even more. realli! i really do wish to go home. this world is just so full of shit.
"The nail that sticks out most gets hammered". Dun be the nail that sticks out, you will just get hammered down.
