Further entries will not be posted here for the time being until issues in my life have been totally settled. Which is going to take months or even years. Or maybe i wun even settle it. I do not wish to stumble anyone for my ideas. Forgive me and pray for me. If any entries are to be made it will be made in a private url and blog. Please pray for me for strength and wisdom. Thank you all for supporting my blog this past year. May the Lord bless you all. Goodnight.
10:17 PM
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Do i need to argue with you people how strong my God is? You people persecute me for being christian for no reason. The only reason you do so is because you think that persecuting my religion makes yours stronger. And when i do not argue with you people is because i know exactly who my Lord is that he doesnt need me a sinner to debate on how strong he is. No one is worthy of the Lord, not even one. But he died for us while we were still sinners that we stand uncondemned. Unless you haven realised dear reader of this blog which whom i thank so much, that Christianity is the only major religion that grew strong with much persecution and opposition from the world. But we grew nonetheless. What other explaination there is that this is? Other than the explaination that surely the Lord is with us.
I never realised that my relation with both my mei mei would grow so fast. And its already one month since i started this relation. Surely once in a while i have to explain somethings to them both. But i still love them both just the same. Each time i look at them and go out with them, i see them both as a gift and brightness added to my life. Like a gift. And i love THEM BOTH LOADS!!! I saw the real world through my past that this dying globe holds nothing for anyone of us. This is the real world that you are betrayed and crushed by people just because they want to be stronger than you. This is the world that your life is in danger for the reason of self defence. Some say that secondary school is the most fun period of your education. And you people robbed me of that happy experience. For which many whom betrayed me in the past end up still as nothing. Oh how much i want to turn back time to go back and undo the things i did in the past.
8:42 PM
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Sometimes i wonder whether my blog is full of blasphemies or what we call wisdom. If it is worthy to be called wisdom in my case. But one thing is that i do not wish anyone to stumble because of me. What is written in this blog is written through experience. And what i write in here i will make sure it goes in accordance to the bible. But i might miss out on somethings at times. Oh well.
I have 2 mei mei's and all 3 of us are not perfect people. I have loads of brothers and none of us are perfect.
11:52 PM
Sunday, July 22, 2007
There is a saying that many have heard of. "It doesnt matter what others think of you, all that matters is you stay true to yourself". And i am have heard many insults about me being made and many are made just out to despise me. You people think think i act holy and pretend to love God. You people think i claim to want to learn humility when i actually have other motives. All you people want to do is to see me fall back to square one. All i want to say is thank you. You people are the biggest pushing force and encouragement to me. I am not saying here that i am wise and i will confirm make it. I am not saying that i am not proud. I have pride too, but i am fighting it every minute and everyday. Look at our leaders of our past, many people despised them saying they couldnt make it. They proved these people wrong. For the Lord is with them and the same way he will always be with me that he will guide me through all. You people may think that i am proud and you people may think that i will never make it, but that doesnt mean that i get discouraged and give up, for that is exactly what you people have been wanting to see. Cartoons are good for viewing. But it warps the mind of younger kids to make them think that this world is a perfect one without any flaws. Take a look around you, you are so protected from the real world that you think that this world is a perfect one. Even my friends from my past couldnt give a damn about whether they live or die for they know what the real world is.
5:31 PM
Friday, July 20, 2007
There is a difference between having wisdom and being wise. having wisdom is one thing. Putting wisdom to use is being wise. Get the picture? That this is a greatest barrier of smart people. That they may gain all the knowledge of the world but they have closed up their ears to wisdom. They study all day in hopes of getting good results but they forget that it is wisdom that gets them far in life. Not results. The Lord knew exactly what it would take to make us learn. And he knew that it takes mistakes for us to learn. That is why he came to die for us to take away the condemnation of our mistakes so that when mistakes come, his forgiveness is there so that we can learn and not stand in condemnation. This is our Lord, the one whom he has set his image in our minds. I love both my mei mei too much to lose them. I rather i loosen the relationship with both of them to save this relation than cancel all lines and lose both of them. Some say leaders are perfect people. Know this that no leader in the world are perfect. No matter how experienced they are. There is a difference however. And this is the difference. That leaders are just as imperfect as anyone of us, but they handle imperfections with more wisdom and more wisely. Get the difference?
8:14 PM
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
What do i do now? i really do not want to let them both go. But i do not wish anything else to happen. I have recieved many comments. Some done in anger towards me wanting to destroy this relationship. Some done in care and concern. But one thing i dun get is this. Before i went into a relationship with them, no one objected and even though they know it, they said nothign was wrong with it. Then why is it that after i started this relation that you people start opening your mouths? Why didnt u say anything before that? i told some people that i want to take them both as my mei's mei's. And they said it was fine. Why the comments now? I am clear of my relationship with them both and i know what is the line between them and me. But this i can tell you people now, that the relationship i have with both of them is pure and free from guilt for we have not done anything else worthy or condemnation and there are no other motives. Tis is a saying from Dan and Yang. If you were a fish. No matter how big, how small, how nice, how ugly your aquarium is. It is your home. I guess no matter how sucky Ngee ann is, it is my school. I guess these people arent as bad as i thought. Praise the Lord for showing me the nicer side to them. Slowly lahs. The semester is soon coming to an end. then some of us might be changing class. Some may not be changing class. Some of them might become my close friends. Some might just remain as strangers. Its fast. Time surely flies by very very fast. And maybe before i even know it. Poly will soon be over and i am ready to go into army.
7:01 PM
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Surely the Lord has shown me humility. And i guess sometimes you will be forced to swallow your pride. But surely one thing is that the Lord teaches humility through your falls and mistakes. A person who is perfect isn't perfect at all. For there is only 1 perfect person in the whole of history and that is Jesus. Standing in front of 15 people against me and my mei mei surely brought back many memories. Its how tables have turned and this is what i said before that what you do you will always have to pay for it. If you dun get what i said above. What i merely meant is, i was the one in a big group bullying innocent individuals for no reason in the past. And now, i am the minority being surrounded by 15 people. I guess that karma is true. That what you do now will be turned against you in the future. From experience this is all i can say. A fight is better than a cold war. Fight and patch up before the sun sets. Do not bear your grudge till the next morning. Cold wars are even more dangerous than a fight. Thank you to all who understands me for who i am that i am not a perfect person. Thank you all. Shahidah, aini, both my mei mei's, Vincent, my older sister and many who i didnt mention here. Thank you.
8:40 PM
Sunday, July 15, 2007
If you read my previous post. You should have known i made a bad mistake. For this i am sorry about it. But i guess it was God's grace that it didnt go even further. But all that matters is that i stand up again after every fall. If you are a frequent reader of my blog. Please do not take my blog seriously. For what i speak of in this blog is merely a place for me to record my thoughts and views. And since it is from me, a person who makes lots of mistakes. Please do take note that not everything i speak of in this blog is beneficial to the reader. For i am a person with flaws and mistakes and i am still learning through mistakes. Please do forgive me if i do speak anything wrong in this blog. I might be considering of changing this blog url to some other url to make it only accessible to me. So in short to speak, only exclusive to me. I only wish of this blog to be constructive to others and not to stumble anyone. And i will change this url if i have to. Please do know now that i am not perfect and i make plenty of mistakes. But its okay!! I will never forget my mistakes in my past. For today it has becomed my greatest strength!! For the Lord has shown himself through my mistakes!!
6:19 PM
Friday, July 13, 2007
I lost touch today and i lost control of myself. For someone bullied my mei mei and i got all hyped up to get even and fight. And when its all over, i realised that i have done what i have been avoiding to do. But having control of 3 gangs in something i never had in my past. This power, how i yearn to use these power to crush the ones who offended me in my school. I do not need any respect from people who do not respect themselves. Maybe one day those fools will find themselves crawling at my knees surrounded by what i have ready to lick my shoes just begging for me to let them live. Surely you think that i have no reason not to call these gang down. You deserve every bit of what i can offer you. You people are nerds who think that life is perfect that you can bully anyone you want to, but you do not know that you are the ones who make this life difficult for innocent people. After what i have typed at the above, i saw my handphone screen and i saw both my mei mei's pictures and i saw Nick, ding yan's and elliot photo's. I really do love them all and i want to see all 5 of them grow up to be wise people. And i realise what i did today by calling up people from my past is totally setting a bad example for them. At least to my mei mei who got bullied. Maybe i shud just give up the idea of crushing anyone in my school. I rather i get humiliated than setting a bad example to my younger brother's and sisters. I rather get crushed than let them crush anyone. I love all of them, but i am not a good example at all. Can i learn my Lord? Can you teach me what is the right path i shud walk? And even if i go down the wrong path again, can you keep all of them from walking down the wrong path? Can you keep them from the evil one?
10:48 PM
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
I just realised that even after so long that i repented, i still behave like a gangster at some times. And i just get woken up from the fact that i am no longer a gangster. Its just that sometimes people tend to get very irritating that they find fault with u for no reason. Its just like this morning when i was with zhao pei and we were waiting for daryl. Then these 2 guys from class D1 walked past us and 1 of em started staring at us for no reason. And i find myself all hyped up and ready to fight. And while in lecture some D1 people get very irritating that i am all ready to fight at the littlest faults they commit. I am surely not setting an example for the younger ones in my church. Its just that some bits of me in my past is still inside me. And i dun get why people call me crazy when i have done nothing wrong. I am not emotionless or emo. I just hold back my emotions. I dun yearn to be cool in school or popular. I just want my poly school years to be one free from trouble. That i do not repeat my mistakes in secondary school. Isit wrong of me to do that? Why are you people provoking me to fight? Ding yan made me realise what the archives at the side of my blog is for. And i started reading entries from my past. interesting. Really! very interesting. That i was no better than anyone. And even until today i am still that no one i was before. Haiz. Even with my avoiding of getting into trouble with school. i Still am getting into trouble for without knowing it. Teachers having bad impressions of me and writing comments about me in the list, to deducting marks for being late for workshop and getting debarrment soon for low attendance. damn. Just cant seem to get away from stupid and dumb people nowadays. But its good to know nice people in ngee ann with the majority of stupid people. SHAHIDAH!! keng leong, harris, neng wei, and my 2 close pals who live in silence everyday. Eugene and Poh khae!! I have 2 mei mei's and 3 younger brothers in church. Naomi, belindarh, , ding yan, elliot and nocholas. Damn i just love all of em!! haha
10:19 PM
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
The reason why we struggle so much with sexual desires is mainly because of respect. Its sad to say that females and males have lost their respect for their own bodies. This is the reason why we all struggle with sex. Girls appearing on tv and portraying sex as something normal, wearing skimpy dressing and doing sexy dances. Guys singing about sex as if it was somethign normal. The Lord has meant our bodies for good and respect as quoted from Vincent. If you dun get what i mean, this is how it is. Do you ever wonder why we dun have sexual feelings for our biological mothers and sisters? It is because we hold respect for them that thinking about it is a form of ultimate disrespect. Struggling with sex? learn to respect the opposite sex body. Does eating some food defile your body? This is what we christians believe for it came from our Lord almighty! Mark 7: 18 - " Don't you understand either? Can't you see that what you eat don't defile you? Food does'nt come in contact with your heart, but only passes through the stomach then comes out again." diarrheao 9 times in 1 day. I hate shitting. Its such a big turn off. argh!
12:58 PM
Monday, July 09, 2007
Have you ever seen those scenes where the mother is feeding her baby, that she will keep feeding her child even though the child rejects and pushes away the spoon. That she will feed her child no matter how mani times he pushes the spoon away.? Would the mother stop feeding her child and let him starve to death? And the mother will continue feeding the child until he grows up into a man. For the Lord is like dis. That he will love you no matter how many times you push him away. And when he has fed you into a man, you go out and feed others. I love to shit. But having diarrhoea 4 times in 1 hour is such a big turn off. man. My ass hurts so much now. food poisoning sucks.
8:13 PM
Sunday, July 08, 2007
I told Joel and vincent that i have been sitting down and waiting for God to speak to me. I am going to sit down no more, i am going to stand up and go search for him. For the Lord has fed me, time to go and feed others. I will make mistakes in the future. I have made countless in the past. But what matters is you stand up after every fall. Time to stop going by emotions and time for, mind over matter!!!! haah
8:24 PM
Saturday, July 07, 2007
100th post! gosh i never knew i would reach the 100th post. I have decided to dedicate this post to Aini and the rest that matters to me in my life. Aini, people may come tagging stupid stuff on ur blog. But that doesnt mean you should react with a negative mood. Lets just picture this, you tag bad things on ur enemies tagboard. What would make you happy? obviously when ur enemies get pissed by ur tag right? Its the same thing with what is going on now. Reacting with vulgarities and demanding to know who that person is is only making that person laugh harder. trust me. It feels like the right thing to do when someone insults you. But i can teach you a way to put that person to shame even when he is alone. And its what i told you when i went back to school. Ignore them. Ignore the tag and stop making any entries scolding that person. Unless you didnt notice it, the harrassments arent stopping at all. ignore, totally ignore. Dun even tag anything like" stupid tags will be ignored". Just totally ignore. Trust me, the stupid tags will be gone in time to come. If you believe me den do it. I can only speak to you thru sms and my blog for things are different now. I dun have time for you. But i promise i will talk to you thru sms k? Klinton, mind over matter bro. mind over matter. Something we all have to learn. I am learning it the hard way now. But i can only tell you mind over matter. Emotions wun last long. One day your love for her will fade away. All that is going to be in ur memories is that you didnt handle things well and you will regret it. The pain will soon go. In time it will be gone. but what you do now will follow you the rest of your life. I still remember you in my heart bro. Belindarh mei mei!!! my second mei mei after Aini!! take care of yourself k? Your feelings for him wun last. Giving up your life for something that isn't perfect isn't worth it. Know that there are many people who care alot about you. To the rest, i dun have much time to write things to you. But God bless : )
12:13 AM
Friday, July 06, 2007
Tis is how that life isn't perfect at all. I am just shocked that people have started dating in kindergarden. Sad are those who are building their kingdom on this piece of dying land. You people start a concert to save the world. When you dun even realise that you have taken part in the destruction of this world. what can you do to save this dying world? nothing. I am just going to say that Christians are not here to save the world, also not to change it. For we cant. We preserve it. Like how salt preserves a rotting fish. For who can deny the fact that this earth is reaching the final stages of destruction. You may have gathered all the authorities of these world but only to realise at the end of the day that its a futile effort.
10:44 PM
Thursday, July 05, 2007
When i call someone father, it means i submit to his wishes and wills with obedience. When i call you brother it means i am of same equalness to you. When i call you my mei mei means i will protect you and anyone who tries to harm her i will get even with that person. I cant believe ding yan beat my 40 second shit record. damn it. he got 30 seconds. haiz. Read some blog about senseless arguments over satan. Its sad to know that people of the same religion are killing each other with insults. I guess studying more about your religion and doing more religious ceremonies doesnt make you higher ranking than anyone else. Arent the people who had high religion knowledge the ones who persecuted the past prophets, apostles and even prosecuting Jesus? Killing innocent ones who had done no wrong. God didnt use the ones who had high knowledge of him. God used the ones who didnt have any knowledge of him. He used Moses, a murderer and sheperd. God used Peter, a fisherman with extremely bad temper and rashness. Being highly educated and proud of it merely makes you unavailable for God to use. Its sad to see religions becoming more and more messed up. Justice is lost everyday. Why do you people build your kingdom on this piece on dyign land? Its like building sandcastles near the water. Where when the waves come up, all is washed away and forgotten. Swept away by the water.
12:05 PM
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
School sucks as long as i know. but i am just glad i have weekends to look forward to! man, imagine there is no weekends. can die! Went back to yuhua today. Talked to Aini. Grown much more prettier le. haha. miss so many people dere. oh well. I cant believe i just broke my friends record of shitting and wiping my ass in just 40 seconds. I could feel the andreline hitting me while on the throne of relief and pleasure. It was so natural! like chocolate and ice cream. Look! i am not trying to be sick and disgusting here. but i am just gonna say that shitting is what makes one beautiful. If you dun shit, you'd be looking constipated all the time and farting everywhere you go. When that day of judgement comes, i want to be sitting on a toilet bowl throne. That i have overcomed all the shit you idiots throw at me. And may i always be full of shit.
9:21 PM
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Life is 90% toughness and 10% happiness. But life holds not even 1% compared to eternal life of happiness. So i guess a tough life on earth is worth it. This is our faith and our hope that that day will soon come.
No more will i use the excuse that my time is not up. My time will never be up as long as i use that excuse. time to start serving and fulfil this calling
5:51 PM
Sunday, July 01, 2007
If there is one thing i realised, i have grown to love toilets. Its an unstoppable addiction that controls me greatly. The toilet atmosphere greatly decides how one person shitting performance is. Give him a bad toilet and he wun even have the mood to shit. Therefore i have come up with my top 3 list of best toilets to be doing my business in. Ranking number 1.) -Paragon's main floor toilet Number 2.) Newton life church toilet Number 3.) Vincent's house toilet But what is shitting like without buddies to shit with you? And wahlah! I have thought of my "top 3 best buddy to be shitting with" list! Winner! 1.) Jeremy Ong! Runner up! 2.) 2 people actually. Nicholas and Ding yan! 2nd runner up! 3.)Kai! Life in the shitting world is great when you have good toilets and great buddies to shit with you! May this world be filled with great toilets and great shitting buddies. For that time will come when i will see only high quality toilets that i do not need to pay 10 cents for! My lifetime resolution! To live a life like Jesus, to speak like Prophet Elijah! And to shit like Sampson! Amen!
