Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Somehow i talked to my mum as i remembered and i guess i have to admit that we are not rich people. all the spending of money in my past sure has gone to my head that money is infinite for my family. UNtil i realised how hard my parents have to slave for hours just to get us another meal. Its heartbreaking i guess. It truly broke my heart. i guess i have been utterly selfish for the past 16 years of my life. This new year all i can do for them is just to save my money. Seeing my dad collect back all our ang bao money, this year i felt something new and different. something warm but yet heartbreaking at the same time. we have no money. That is the reason why my dad had to take back all our money. i couldnt understand that for the past 16 years bcoz i was ignorant of it. i guess all i can do for them is to return all the ang baos happily hoping my dad wouldnt lose any money. But i guess we did. my dad lost lots of money. i guess i will just have to postpone my ideas on having a new handphone and laptop. and just save in any way i could. well. I am sure God will still provide for our family in a sufficient way and i trust that he will do it. I stood at my window last night at 3am and i asked him why i had to be poor. he didnt give me a direct answer. All he said was that with every dollar i lack on earth, i gain a million dollars in heaven. haha. its was then i realised how rich i truly am in heaven. and i still have more to collect. SO all you chinese out there. in the midst of all the ang bao collecting. Dun forget to keep yearning for spiritual "ang baos" that God is waiting to bless us with ya? I'd rather be rich in heaven than on earth.
10:09 PM
Sunday, February 11, 2007
results out last friday. L1R4 =21. NOw i am pretty aware of it that its not a good result and people are laughing at me. i am happy with my results bcoz i know it is God given and it is his will. And its always better than gg ITE. i look at my results and i see how others are doomed to ITE. I can only look at myself and consider myself the world's luckiest guy. that was my fate 2 years ago. ITE. But i guess God showed mercy on me and showed me a new way. haha. I vowed to follow his will in times of good or BAD 2 years ago. I am just glad that today i have proven myself. haha. Notice how i highlight the word "bad". Its just how some people treat God as a God who only gives when you ask. kind of like a free gifts stand and all you need to do is to ask. i am pretty sure that isn't the way God is. Sure God does give blessings and i understand that coz i recieved his blessings a thousand a million a trillion times! TOO many to be counted. But i guess we shud nvr treat them as deserved. hmm. This time i know and i understand very well that God uses failures to bring us closer to him and humble us. haha. i highly doubt there are any O lvl students reading this now. But i will just do it for the benefit for the one who stumbles upon this. You may not work out to ur expectation but rejoice! It means God wants you to trust him even more for your future. You may work out to your expectation but beware! Pride may overtake you and you might just lose faith in God and depend on yourself. which is an even bigger failure than bad results. yeaps. I couldnt care less about my failure in my results. because i know i have scored flying colours in God's test for me. I guess now its time to get even more distinctions for God. I guess now its time for another 3 more months of no schooling and slacking slacking slacking! haha. time for another 3 months of silence with God
10:31 PM
Monday, February 05, 2007
These dreams every night. Weird. But i doubt having the same dream that you had 3 months ago and having it now for 3 consecutive days. somehow i am still wondering who that woman in my dream is. speaking with an unknown language. Dreams are beautiful. But somehow its highly impossible that dreams mean anything. But this dream is freaking weird. It lasts for onli a while and i always wake up at the same point. Somehow i hope i will be seeing her again tonight and hopefully get some things straight. Somehow i find God always so full of surprises. All i wanted was a perfect life. but he gave me a life full of struggling. All i wanted was peace in my heart but he gave me questions that questioned my inner being. all i wanted was the best things on earth but he gave me lesser. But all these worked out to be the best for me. Was practicing roller blading today on Vincents roller blades. I was all alone and having a sense of sick fun. falling down all the time and losing my control. but never had God spoke to me so much. at least i didnt expect him to speak so much to me while i was practicing roller blading. I guess my life has been like roller blading. falling down all the time and getting hurt. But everytime i fell. all he would tell me was to get up. to keep trying no matter how much it hurts. todays roller blading made me realise i am no pro christian. I guess i still am at the begginers stage. always falling and slowly learning. But i guess Vincent is right. if u dun fall. it wun be called roller blading. same as me being a christian. If i dun fall. i wouldnt be called a christian. I would be called God oredi. But i guess i am not. : ) 3 cheers for that! hmm. learning from everyday experiences. and applying them into our lives. I fell tons of times that i even lost count. hmm. but i guess all that matters is that i stand up after every fall and keep on going. i believe one day i will make it. Went to city harvest with Ki hui last saturday and it was hell of an experience. i wouldnt speak of it anymore. but i am glad its all over. Never will i wanna go back again. brrr. I know that my life wun last for long now. just like everyone reading this blog. No one lives a long life. Just like how God has been living forever. My life compared to him is nothing and freaking short. haha. 3 cheers for our short lives! we wun get fucked by this world too much! just finish this race and enjoy eternity.
1:18 AM
