Mum talked to me. Guess singlehood is better for me. yay. Didnt really understand this until i realised that this pain in my heart is unecessary and extra. My heart hurts so much for a girl. But my heart wouldnt hurt so much if i didnt have a girl. guess i wanna take life easy now and stay single. After all, been single for so long. Guess everythings going to be just fine. : ) The moment she smsed me that, i felt so much better and released. Heart dun really hurt. lol.
Maybe its short lived for both of us. But it ended in a happy note. : ) Pls, just dun be lesbian. lol.
Dumb day actually. Went to tiong bahru plaza to study with Neng wei. Went to have our lunch first. left our bags and asked an aunty to take care of our bags. Came back only to realiase i lost my bag. Good thing i only lost a spoilt bag, books and my specs. Around 830pm Eddie joined us. i left at around 9pm so i can go home and sleep. yay.
But on a brighter note. I caught up with DEL and i realised its damn bloody easy larrrrs. yay!! jia you!! i can do it for common test.
10:14 AM
Sometimes i wonder in a relationship, who is the ultimate loser? The guy? Or the girl? I am very well aware people think of me as a playboy. But all they see are just outward appearance. My lovelife? I am the biggest loser. Funny how i had 9 ex girlfriends, yet never in my life have i dumped a girl before. I always end up getting dumped and cheated. So i ask you, a playboy would usually be the one dumping and cheating on girls. But if i am a playboy, why am i doing exactly the opposite of being cheated and being dumped?
I believe in a relationship, both sides have to give. Yes in a relationship, i can give the girl my best of the best. But if i were to keep giving, i would end up with nothing to give anymore. A love life is like trading. You give and you recieve for both sides. The same way for the other party. In this way both sides would never have to be left empty handed. But if you were to give your love to someone else, both of you would be left with lesser things to offer.
I would just do simple maths now to prove my above theory. Say i have 10 apples. And triffany have 10 apples. I give one, she give one. We both still have 10. Say i give her 5, she would have 15 and i would have 5. So she in turns give me 5 so we would balance out equally again! But if i were to give 5 of my apples to some other girl, triffany and i would be left with only 15 apples. And those apples represent the love in a relationship. You give those apples to someone else and you will soon be left with no apples.
I am not very sure now why is she sms'ing me lesser. Sometimes not even sms'ing me. sometiems with short and mono-tone replies. Maybe she is trying to save her sms, maybe she already found someone better. Maybe she is really busy. Or maybe something is bothering her. Im just practically stuck and confuse about my next step. But im not prepared to get rash about things anymore i guess. My life principle still stands. Never piss a girl off and i will never pester a girl. And never cling onto a girl.
They told me what goes around, comes around. But i dunno what i did to deserve this. Being played so badly and getting so screwed up. I try very hard not to be unfaithful. But it ends up that i get cheated. I was so close to giving up and being what they say i am. A playboy. But when i went out with edwin, he told me that there is really no point being a playboy. People can play me and cheat on me, doesnt mean i stoop to their level and play on girls too.
I am just not in the mood for anything these few days. No mood to study. No mood for anything at ALL!! I just wonder if the world still has some goodness in it anymore. When we are young, we go to school and we hate it. When we are older, we get a job and we loathe it. Then when we are useless you retire and you are deemed useless. Its like we study just so the world can live off our hard work. So makes me wonder, who the hell are we actually working for? And when we are on our death bed, does my O lvl, diploma cert matter to me anymore? And what exactly is life all about?? They told me to live life happily, but i am not exactly happy at all. They told me to live life to its fullest and there i am mugging my brains out missing out on things.
I wonder who my real friends are. Church people?? Or the friends whom the world deemed as useless people. Everyone would say that church friends are better considering they are a better and nicer bunch of people. I deem it otherwise. yes they are nice to hang out with. But when it comes down to it, i came from a totally different world from them. Yes there are fun guys to hang out with too. But do they actually want to hang out? I call them out and most of em are always studying or busy. And sometimes they say yes, but they end up not coming. So this is the same i am going to do to them too. But what about those people whom i call brothers outside.? Yes they are a bunch of gangsters and they smoke, do illegal trading and stuff. But when i am with them, i actually feel i belong to them knowing we all came from the same world. And they all want to be with me too! They would call me without reminder and ask me out regularly.
Oh sure those people smoke. But who are the better friends i ask you? A bunch of nice and well looked upon people, but who came from totalli different worlds but who is always busy and doesnt even want to go out with you. Or a bunch of gangsters friends who came from the same world as you, loves being with you and enjoys your company?
12:27 AM
Saturday, May 17, 2008
I am starting to drift further and further away from my church people. We dun go out as much as we used to. They do things themselves and i dun even know about it. Im not saying i am important that they must report everything to me. Thats not my point. Last time each time they had any activities they would call me along. But nowadays i dun even know whats going on in church anymore. But surprisingly, i dun give a damn about what happens in church anymore. Not like its going to make a difference whether i am there or not.
Been spending money at God speed nowadays. Spent 500 bucks in like a week. its crazy shit im tellling you. My card is going to get confiscated anytime soon.
ah damn, i missed that ironman popcorn set. haiz
2:51 AM
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Just a sentence i thought was meaningful while watching a movie. So this gal was just saying, "Sex is a game where both parties win. While love is a game that nobody wins. They just keep playing.".
Pretty interesting sentence indeed. So it goes to show that there is no such thing as a happy ending for love. They just keep playing. Playing till one of them give up.
2 month probation. haha. Sounds like something new. At least i know she is serious bout this. I guess we both want the same thing. To be together for long. Just super uber glad to have found a gal with the same goal as me and with the qualities that i hope for in someone i want to love. Well, i am not someone who goes for looks my dear triffany. If i wanted looks i would have gotten any gal from my friendster to be my gf. And im serious about this too.
And i forgot that ironman popcorn set today la!! Damn, missed my chance to get that ironman toy. grrrrrr.
I guess i gotta sleep. Uber tired. long day 2moro.
muacks, love ya!
11:01 PM
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
It feels so much like the world has gone dead. And i got so tired of being a nice guy in school, why be nice when all u get is just laughed at. So i decided to be bad and all i got was still negative comments that i have changed for the worst. So i question myself, did these people ever appreciate the things i did for them? And then there came her, the one who played me like a toy and then tear me into half after she was done playing. So he questioned himself if he could ever find someone who would be with him for long. He doesnt ask for someone perfect, for he knows he is not perfect. But all he saw was this corrupt world left with no innocence. So he was with his friends one day and they asked him to join them to go smoke knowing that he is an ex-smoker. In his sadness he agrees hoping that cigarette would ease his pain.
He took his first cigarette stick after a year of quitting. But knowing that singapore's cigarettes have low nicotine level, he smokes with no worries of getting addicted. But little did he know he wanted more. He goes on to his next pack. And another pack, feels good. But his Godsis olivia got worried for him and hoped that he quit. And he wondered why people would care so much about him. he stops smoking with zer0 determination. Knowing he would not quit at all. But he stopped smoking.
On his 4th day of smoking, he decided not to go to school because he knew he would smoke again if he went to school. So he decided to turn on his computer. And when he went online, a girl added him on msn. Her name is called Triffany. So they talked and talked. And he finds out that he finally found a girl he thought he would never ever meet. She opened his eyes to a world that he thought was dead. And he finally falls in love with her. They are not together yet. But this guy will willingly wait for her knowing he has waited for very long already. And this guy wants to watch ironman with her. When will she be free?
7:55 PM
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
I found someone who is very much like me. terms of thinking. she claims she isnt cute. But i think shes cute. she claims she's bad but i think she's an angel. im just happy to have found someone who agreed with me on things. At least the world isnt that bad afterall. She says i am gay but i am straight!!! hahah. But its ok, i forgive you triffany. haha.
i aint perfect but i try my best to be perfect. smoking wun make me perfect. So im going to try to be perfect and quit. At least Triffany supports me!!! my Godsis olivia too!!
I shud just put her pic here. After all, its rarely i post other people's pic on my blog. so be honoured arhs Les!!!!!! She's the girl on the right. haha. cute right??? haha.
i just watched ironman yesterday with emannuel and zi jing. haha. damn uber nice!!!!!!! YES!!! going to watch it again. haha.
must get a GPA 3 this year. i dun wanna waste my 3 years in ngee ann poly!! jia you!!!
4:43 PM
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I live on a very simple basic logic of life when i am on the streets. The ah bengs i see on the streets are like stones to me. If i see a stone in front of me, i dun walk over and knock into it. The same way i dun go looking for trouble with any ah beng. Its simple logic. And if a stone is thrown in my direction, simple basic instincts would tell me to dodge and get out of the way. Same way i dun go staring back if an ah beng stares at me. Just move out and i;'ll be fine. Any idiot would know your head would break if a stone is thrown at ur way. But then again, If any stone is in my way, i sijmply remove it out of my way and i move on. Same way if any ah beng tries to fuck with me i'll remove him.
I understand very well that the world is getting more and more fucked up everyday. I get wars even in my own little family tree. the world is killing each other. like heck we dun even need an alien invasion to kill out any of us. We'll just end up killing each other.
9:43 AM
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
okkaaayyyyy!! feeling much better. Over her. Actually was long over her like 3 days ago?? At least things are better between us both. No cold war anymore.
Its shocking i haven watched ironman considering i have been waiting like centuries for it. Its been out for long oredi and i still havent seen it. oh well, promised someone i would watch it with her so i have to waaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiitttttttt!!!
okkaaay, planning to leave my hair long considering it will grow short very very very short once i go in NS which is going to be like 2 years time? but for now gotta get my good GPA before i get the shit outta ngee ann. jiia yoU!!
To think about it, gotta start chionging my FOOP. still have to submit LAB 2 tomoro. damn.
last pack. Once i am done with this pack i am gonna quit. hopefully la. considering all my frens smoke. HOw the fuck am i going to quit.?
7:22 PM
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Lets just face it. You are so fucking full of lies. you even had the guts to lie about your birthday. But heck i dun see the need for it either.
Face it, if you wanna play it like a game, Lets play! I have played this game of "love" for way too mani times i can never recall how mani times. My heart has been broken for way too mani times i cant even count.
But then again, congratualtions. You are the first girl who caused me so much heartache. Never had i been so broken before. Never had i shed so much tears for a girl. Never had anyone played me so hard and cause me so much shame and still had the cheek to behave like nothing happened.
But then again, i am not someone who will hang on to a girl. so fuck off.
11:04 PM
Would you still love me when i am spiritually low as much as when i was spiritually high?
Would you still love me if i disobeyed your commands as much as when i obeyed your commands?
Would you still love me if i made a mistake as much as when i did the right thing?
Would you still love me if i disgraced your name as much as when i glorified your name?
Would you still love me when i am into drugs just as much as when i wasnt into drugs?
Would you still love me if i stopped going to church as much as when i was still in church?
Sometimes i wonder if i were to die at that moment, where would i go??
Sometimes i wonder if God would throw me into hell if i backslided.
Sometimes i wonder why people still care for me when i dun even care about myself anymore.
