Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Someone told me i have a sexy butt and i realised it after 17 years. And that little information made me fall in love with my butt. I just realise that my butt is round and it is jelly like. Just hard-soft jelly like. I really do like it alot. And my butt skin feels very smooth. And i just realise its even more beautiful than my whole body!! Is there any way i can use my butt as a pillow? damn. If my butt was a pillow it would be the world's most expensive pillow!! I shud master a skill where i type with one hand underneath ma butt and my other typing. cool!! trying it now......damn...cant!!! the moment i put one hand underneath my butt, my other hand is irresistably drawn to my other butt!!!!!!argh!!!!!!!!! So i feel kinda unhealthy nowadays always hanging out with kai and gang at 429. Been breathing in too much 2nd hand cigarette smoke. Came back home with chest pains. So i decided to start exercising everyday!! Today is my 2nd day exercising. Feels kinda refreshing each time i come back from exercising. Just realisied i have been slacking for 2 years without exercise. No good. hehe. After all must treasure the body God gave me. hehe.
11:25 PM
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Its amazing what i learn when i am with a particular person nicknamed "chicken". I learn so many things. I learn what is true tolerance and what is true love. And most importantly i learnt what is trust. When it all comes down to it. Love isnt just a lovey dovey feeling at all. True love isnt a lovey dovey feeling like those you see in the movies. Coz those are just bullshit. Love is knowing you love someone and doing things for them even when it sucks alot. You will continue loving that particular person no matter how many stupid things he/she has done to piss you off, that you know in your mind that you still love that particular person. hehe. Oh well...So i see! Quiet time with God is like a romantic time spent with your bf or gf. hehe. Well, that definitely beats the idea of quiet time as a chore. Maybe that explains so much on why i havent been sleeping well and not mentally well these few days. hehe. Coz i miss time spent with God.
12:22 AM
Friday, September 21, 2007
See that dude beside me? He is the one whom i respect the most in life. The one whom is able to take insults with a smile. His name is Vicky. Notice this is the first time i ever posted photo's on my blog? This is bcoz i m proud of these 2 photo's and i am proud that i have these brother. So let me talk more bout him. He wasnt born into a good family. But he's much better than me. Yes maybe he's a gangster, but i have more respect for him than i have for other richer people. He doesnt put himself higher than you. Lets just face it. I find a sense of belongign with people like him. haiz. Im getting tired and my brains arent working well. Shall update again.
2:04 AM
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Someone asked if there was such a thing as gangster evangelism. And Vincent said no. And he asked then what am i doing evanglising in a gang. I couldnt give him an answer on what i was doing exactly due to the circumstances. And i know he reads my blog. So this is my answer. No there isnt such a thing as gangster evangelism. As in you go into gangs to spread the gospel. Nope. Which i think there has been some misundertsandings on what i was doing. For example, to reach out to the Buddhist, do you join buddhism so you can evangelise to them? Yes there is no doubt i am evangelising to the gangsters. But i am not doing it as a gangster who is joining them. I am doing it as someone who has quit the old ways and i am spreading the gospel using my old ties with them. You may say that i am not trained and i am not qualified to evangelise. Then can i ask if you have to be in SBC to spread the gospel and move the chairs for a service? I am doing it because i know what my faith is and i know the great commision. And i am not joining a gang so as to evangelise. So this is what i am doing. To save a person who has fallen into a deep hole, do you jump in yourself to save them? Maybe evangelise might be too strong a word. Lets just say spreading the gospel. Well, i am not standing up high giving sermons to them nor am i claiming any leadership over them. I am just telling them the basics of our faith. I am not writing this to show off what i am doing. I am writing this so as to clear any misunderstandings on what other people are saying about me. I understand not all of my ways are perfect and i wun deny it. But i am learning. I understand there are still things i do which are offending. I understand that i have the urge to use violence most of the time. But i am fighting against it.
12:11 AM
Thursday, September 13, 2007
The first day that i met you,I felt like i was in a zoo...I saw you from afar, You were shaped like a guitar...You were so beautiful,You made me stare like a fool...The moment you turned and look at me, Instantly my legs felt like Maggi mee...Your skin is as soft as snow,Hugging you is like hugging my pillow....Your face is as beautiful as Jessica Alba, Even more valuable than Mona Lisa....I know its all just wishful thinking,But each time i think of you my heart go sinking...You are as expensive as my Billabong,And i think of you all the time like how i think of Roti prata Kosong!
8:53 PM
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
I noticed something that is getting on my nerves nowadays about guys. That is that they chase girls without considering much about what the girl wants. This is written to many other guys who are still using these 1 century old method. So i will just list out ten commanments on what one shouldnt do when chasing a girl. 1.) When you chase a girl, if all your mind is thinking about is just you getting the girl, and you never once gave a damn to what she wants, dun chase. That is just being selfish. Especially if that girl doesnt like you.2.) Thou shalt never ever call or sms a girl everyday. Trust me, although she might not say anything, it is bound to piss her off. Unless she asks you to call her then go ahead. Other than that, too bad : (3.) Thou shalt never ever stick to her day and night just so you can be close to her. Give her some space to breath y'know? Dun be selfish and stick to her so you can feel good. Like i said, thats just being very selfish. 4.) Thou shalt never ever try to touch her unless you can officially confirm that she likes you. If all you have is just speculations that she likes you. Dun risk it brother... Thats just called molest : P5.) Its good to buy gifts once in a while. Expensive ones maybe? But dun make money and expensive gifts your main priority in chasing girls. After all, you have to show love in a relationship and that is the main ingredient in a relationship. Not your money and expensive gifts. 6.) Thou shalt never ever say sweet nothings to a girl unless you can confirm she likes you. Coz if that girl doesnt like you, you are just behaving like a sex maniac. * Shrugs shoulders *7.) Remember this, if a girl says once that she doesnt like you. She means it. Continue chasing and you will be down in her black list of irritating bastards. Come on, you are a guy, only sissy's chase after a girl desperately without giving a damn on how she feels. If you truly are a man, girls would be flocking to you! 8.) If you chase a girl to a point she cries out of fustration, you gotta settle with yourself some issues dude. You have just becomed her no 1 irritating bastard in her black list. 9.) Thou shalt remember that you are a male and you have a penis dangling in between your legs. Start behaving like one! You aint behaving like a man by chasing a girl desperately and making her pissed off. If you truly are a guy then you gotta let go off some things in life. Hang on too tight and you will crush the bottle. 10.) Thou shalt not show your desperation for a girl. It ruins your image. And it makes you look....well...desperate? *shrugs shoulders* If that girl doesnt show any interest in you or just wants to be your friend. Then start working on getting over her. Its gonna do you alot of good. trust me! Cant seem to get over her? Then stay tuned to my next entry when i explain step by step guides to getting over someone.! If you wish to know how to get over her asap then leave a message on me tagboard and i will write it down asap. I dun really care if you get offended by what i write and you have this sudden urge to beat me up. Not that i desire living on this earth anymore. But just make it quick if you are planning to kill me over this entry ya?Goodnight to all you desperado's...Sweet dreams.
11:07 PM
Monday, September 10, 2007
I noticed something about teenagers nowadays. And this is also writen to remind myself of a potential mistake i might make. I noticed that whenever one is going through heartbreaks over a breakup or one is rejected, That person tend to try desperately replace the person with another individual to cut short the pain. If you dun get what i mean. I will show an illustration. Lets say Alice just broke up with Tom and is very heartbroken, She then tries to replace Tom with Dick, another guy she knows by trying to fall for him. And i have been making this mistake for long until i noticed something was wrong. This is what is wrong. That it only prolongs your pain. Let me try to explain, this is very much similiar to taking drugs. You originally take estacy, but when estacy is taken away, you try to cut short your pain, you turn to marijuana. Yes you no longer feel the urge to take estacy, But you dun see that you are still under drugs. And it will still kill you. I rather go through cold turkey and be free from it once and for all. Yes i will suffer more through cold turkey, but who can i blame? I was the one who took the drug in the first place. Yes now i am going through a heartbreak, but i look forward to the day i am free from this drug, And that is when i can enjoy living water. Soon, Nathan...You are almost there : )
11:09 PM
Sunday, September 09, 2007
I am sorry i couldnt hang on anymore. I am sorry that you are hurt for my mistake. You asked why i gave everything up. But i rather give a handful of memories up rather than a whole bucket full of it. I rather you be hurt 2 weeks than you be hurt 2 years. I gave up not because i had no more feelings. I gave up because my feelings have grown too strong to see you hurt. You wanted my love, i will give you. And this is the best i could do for you. You will understand not now, but maybe one day you will understand why i am doing this. Maybe when things have calmed down i will talk to you again. For now, enjoy singlehood. Both you and me. I will be here until we both have growned up. Maybe, just maybe, we could continue in the future where we left our relationship. Goodnight and enjoy singlehood.
11:02 PM
Saturday, September 08, 2007
I just went to watch Evan almighty today with some church friends. And i really liked what the acting God in the movie said. "When you pray for courage, God doesnt give you courage, he gives you a chance to be courageous. When you pray for love, God doesnt give you lovey dovey feelings, he gives you an opportunity to love." Oh well, good old God did it again. He does the unexpected : )Sometimes even as i try evangelising to Kai and Vicky i sometimes dare not say too much. Reason being that they have values which i never had. Lets just say, we all know that people like us has to face alot of fear in each gangfight. yes, we all do face fears in each gangfight. And there were occasions when i stood alone in a gangfight. But Vicky and Kai were the ones who stood by me. Where were my rich friends who called me brother? they all left me.! Yes you people who are civilised and rich, you may call us stupid by going into gangfights, but if you were actually shot with one you would go running to your mummy crying with your heads in between your bums.! Yes you may say it is stupid to risk your lifes for a stupid cause, but you fools dun even dare to risk a little buck for a friend!!!! Who are you to say those things?Vicky was born into a poor and broken family and he usually dun have money to buy meals. So i and Kai would usually treat him. But people would laugh at him and say that he always ask for a free meal, Vicky kept quiet and yet he still comes down when he can to keep us company! can you people who are rich do that?Kai and his brother has to support the family and work at the same time. His pay isnt high. But when he borrowed 30 dollars from me, he took as little time to repay the money and he returned it quick without questions asked. And he has control of his own temper. And both Vicky and Kai wasnt born into good families!! Yet because they had little they had more values than me! Who are you to say that you are better than them?I am saying it not because i have these values! I am saying it because i am humbled that being born into a good family, i lack so much more values than them! And i am saying it against certain rich people. Because they are the ones who are doing the mockery! And even as they read this blog they know who they are. You rich kids arent really rich and you have nothing to boast about. For the riches you spend are the hardwork of your parents. Not yours. And each time you laugh at us, you think through and see and know that there will still be people like me fighting for them. Yes i am not a perfect person with perfect values, And i am not the great mind that the world seeks, But how much i desire to be the little mind that God needs.
3:58 AM
Friday, September 07, 2007
Lets just face it. I am a person who doesnt hold his anger for long. But i am a person who holds against people what they have done against me. And until today i still am to know that someone i called brother backstabbed me even when i was helping him. And someone i called my sister backstabed me even when i was helping her. Which makes me wonder. Are church people nicer than those people i knew from the outside world? Sorri to come to this conclusion but church people are worse. At least people like Vicky and Kai wouldnt turn on their brothers for a little bullshit crap and start backstabbing their own brothers. At least they will talk straight and settle things the moment something goes wrong. At least they make the effort to take time off their schedule just to come down and help their brothers. We talk about dying for our friends but it is shameful to know that gangsters do it better than christians.
11:57 AM
Monday, September 03, 2007
I never really like sucking up to people. And i never realli did. I have spiritual leaders and i dun need their favour. I have teachers but i never sucked up to them to make me their best student. Reason being, i know who i am deep inside and having favour would merely mean putting on a fake front and pretending i am better than who i am.
6:51 PM
How long more do i have to endure sleepless nights because of guilt? How long more do i have to endure before i can worship the Lord with a pure heart? How long more do i have to wait before i can fully experience your love and fight for your name? How long more do i have to wait before you come and end our sufferings?My Lord my God! Why show your love on such an idiot like me who thinks highly of himself when he is actually nothing?Why die for such a fool who brings trouble upon himself and expects people to clear up his own mess? Why have i searched for an earthly relationship and given up your eternal love for me? Can i now then invest my life to putting your love for me first? I have corrupted my body and mind with unclean actions and thoughts, yet you died to cleanse me of it. Why?As i undo my mistake which started 2 months ago, heal our hearts as time goes by and when its all over, may we have a great time working with each other serving you as brothers and sisters in Christ. Forgive us all, thy will be done
1:47 AM
