Tuesday, October 17, 2006
*edit
So i decided to edit my previous post. Maybe coz wad i talked about was irrelevant?
Amazing. Was studying for chemistry practical notes when i realised it will be given for O"s practicals. !!0.0!!So screw it. wasted my freaking tym. Oh well. Did a chem test today. got 44/65. Not bad bahs. b3. But still got a long way to go. considering the test was done in a huri. haha.
So i am typing out my entry and my mum comes up and reminds me of the tym when i was young. You see, i used to have this cute lil pig doll which i loved so much!(childhood tyms that is). SO my mum installed a new fan at the ceiling which rotates. (AMAZING!) SO i was juz flingign my pig doll up and down and i forgot about the new fan. *throws upwards!* The doll landed in an opening in the fan and practicalli screwed up the whole fan. still remeber the loud *BANG* Oh well. Until today the fan is still there. Not working that is. have to rely on a fan that is hung on the wall. haha. beautiful childhood times.
Its good once in a while to look back on ur childhood. It makes u realise how much u have grown. I still remeber the time when my family goes to IMM. I love staying at the toys dept while my family would go shopping. I can stare at the toys for hours and hours. And my imagination will go wild on how i can play with the toy. Now? i rarely go out with my family on shopping trips. Even if there are shopping trips. I rather stay at home and slack. But sometimes i would get dragged along. So yea.
So i looked back at my secondary school life. When i first came in. I am just that nerdy boy with super straight down hair. Still remember how my frens love stroking my hair coz its soft. So all the mistakes and fighting started. Betrayal and backstabbing and hatred. Failed relationships come and go like plagues. On certain occasions almost losing my life. Still remembered i once tried taking my own life. Did somethings that may seem right at that time. Looking back now. Realised how dumb i was and just cannot believe i did those things. Studies was nvr one of my priority. and somehow i managed to sneak into sec 4 express. All this while there was just this force bringing me through all this whether i like it or not. Now i pay for what i have done in the past. But i guess what matters is that i move on with life no matter what my past was. I look towards my future and realise there are so many things waiting for me. So my classmates dun think well of me. But like i told ema. I pay for what i have done and i wun complain a single word. But whatever they think of me. I still treasure my self worth and i have a value in God's eyes no matter what those people say of My god. If they wan to continue insulting my faith then i wun say much. I haven been a good christian all this while either.
So i did this entry and now? amazing. how far i've comed and nothing in the world can take this experience from me. I had conversations with people and how they had lives that are perfect. Couldnt help but have this thankful feeling in my heart that i am not like them. I have comed so far and O's are about to start soon. I will start embarking on my journey of self discovering. Maybe its time i start finding out and realising my life journey. Like i told my sister. I wan people to cry for me when i die. I wan to be valued by people for who i am and what i have done for them. If they wun den i would still be the same. But what matters is that i do it for God. Its about time i left this school. Will definitely not miss this school. But still i am thankful for this school. Might change my mind on burning my school uniform. Might use it to serve as a reminder not to repeat my mistake in the future. And to use it to show the world how much we can do.
9:09 PM
