i juz realised my blog has becomed quite stagnant for quite a while now. So yeah. i haven been updating either. So ystd was my 16 birthday. Went to church and kinda celebrated my bday. But i guess i still stay truthful to this blog. I felt emptiness all these while. yeaps! emptiness. The sad feeling in my heart that i have been facing for quite a while now. I dun mean to sadden my frens who are reading this blog that they haven done a great job. u guys did a great job and i truly appreciate it! the pineapple and gifts. But this is much more of a personal issue. Seomtimes when u think in life everything is over and a happy ending follows. i guess karma still comes. For someone who's a rotten egg in school. i guess i deserve this empty feeling in my heart. But i guess God is still good to me. Every night i have dreams of the kids in Yun hua chun and that's truly the happiest time of my whole day. spending time wit the kids in my dreams playing with them like how i used to at yun hua chun. but everytime i wake up. this empty feelings comes back again. Lets just say its basic knowledge. When there is a war, and the war ends. There is always aftermath. The recovery. I guess for me the war has ended and its time for me to heal the emotional damages done on me the past 4 years. oh well. God is still good to me. i guess he nvr fails anyone who has worked hard for him. I got $150 for good progress and getting it in jan. Guess its truly a blessing from God to reward me?haha. yes i guess it is.

And i guess the biggest issue to me right nw is pride. Tried speaking to Vincent abt it b4 but he was too busy. But i guess its time to stop depending on anyone to solve or give advices about my problem. i depended too much on people. time to start walking on my own two feet. But still i guess Vincent is right. When someone has alot of experience, he/ she tends to be proud. Thats truly dangerous. Nobody can bring me down but me. I guess i still am my own biggest enemy. I wanna be humble. i truly do. sometimes i wish that i have led a perfect life free from problems so i hv nothing to be proud about. and i guess i still have nothing to be proud abt now.

To church bro's and sisters: i may start acting like a rotten egg these few days but i hope u'd forgive me for it.
3:56 PM