Thursday, November 01, 2007
Someone said that i am cowardly and i have no guts and i am scared. I have searched myself and yes you are very true. I am a person who fears easily because of the upbringing i had since young. I was trained to listen to authorties and fear every little thing i did wrong. And i wun deny the fact that i even have fear when i beat up people. I had fear when i was smoking. I had fear when people were after me. Yes i had fear even when i was at the stronger side. Yes i am cowardly and have no guts that i am scared of everything. But my fear was'nt because i didnt dare do anything. My fear was there because i have done something wrong. Den shud i say i am a coward? Yes i am coz i fear to do the right thing. There may be some adults reading this blog who think that i am just a stupid 17 year old who is scared and stupid. Why you sure are clever to have guessed it so exactly on the spot : ) I am not here to defend myself for i have nothing to use against defending myself anymore. I have done too much sin to have anything to use against defending myself against any charge people have against me. All my life i havent done anything righteous or to help anyone. All i did was destroy lives and break people's heart. I brought trouble into other people's families by having a relationship with their daughter, i brought trouble into other people's family by beating up their sons. What defence do i have to use to prove myself of any righteousness? I have nothing to defend myself at all!!! Not even one!! But because Christ died for me that i may have righteousness before him. Because of his death of the cross that all my harmful deeds were wiped off clean without any records! This is not my defence for myself! This is his defence for me!! He defended me by his death on the cross. He defended me with his blood. No longer do i have to work to gain salvation for he has provided it to me for free. Do you then think you are righteous and better than anyone? Then you truly are no difference from the pharisees and the Jewish priests of Jesus's time. Unless u didnt realise we are all living in the city of sodom and gomorah. The city of sin in the times of abraham and Lot. And God said that if there was even a few righteous man in the city, he would spare the whole city for the sake of these few righteous man. This world is a global city of sodom and gomorrah. But it still has'nt been destroyed for the sake of the righteous people living in this world. When all righteous people have been taken then will this ciy be destroyed with fire. Its time to move on with life. No point hanging on anymore. Looking forward to the good things ahead. The same i would say to those who are still hanging on to something they have lost. Throw away what you have lost so that you can free your hands for better things to come. No point hanging on and gripping tightly to something you have lost that you are not able to recieve better things that come ahead. Fever went down hooooo!!! Just that my throat still hurts alot. A simple thing like swallowing my saliva hurts like crap!!! 2 days of mc passed and 2moro's friday. haha!! school starts at 1pm for me and ends at 5. After that would be weekends with my church frens!! Missed time with them last sunday coz i was sick, not gonna miss out this week!!!! I had a weird dream last night. It was about the 2 withnesses again. weird weird weird. I just realised that real pornography comes from our heart. Not from the images seen on ur computer screens. You can see a naked picture of a woman but you can choose whether you wanna get turn on by it or choose to run.
11:36 PM
