Wednesday, April 02, 2008
I never expected death to be such a close part of my life when i at such a young age. But somehow death just keeps hounding at my door. First it wanted to claim my life. Now it is demanding the lives of my loved ones.
How would you feel if you have to live your daily life with the fear of losing your parents. The feeling that one day you would be left alone with your siblings to deal with life. It really hurts alot if your parents kept hinting that they will be gone soon. And it will be very soon. Each time we go out they would drop hints that they would be leaving soon. I am onli 18 years old. And i am the youngest and only son. I barely had enough time to fulfil my responsibilities as a son. I wasted 16 years of my life hating them. Now only knowing that i barely even have 7 years left to be good to them.
My family has always been poor and sometimes we had to scrimp and save just to survive. But even so, my parents have taught me never to greed for money and never live for money and we must always have honour and integrity even though we are poor. Countless times i was insulted because i am poor and didnt have the chance to live the wealthy lifestyle like my bastard friends. But because of these i never once had high regards for money. But i have this very big dream that i want to take care of my own parents when they retire. I want to give them the good life of being stress free and i wanted to give them the best food. I wanted them to have a chance to play with my kids and enjoy retirement life. But it all comes down that i will not be able to fulfil this dream that i have. Knowing that they might very well be gone even before i reach 21.
My Dad knew very well right from the start that the path he chose will never end in a happy way. The life of a pastor is a poor one and ends in tragic. But even so, my Dad until today has kept his strength of dying for the Lord. No matter how gruesome. His choice was made when he was young and he honoured his choice till his death. To me, he truly is a man of man. Because of him i knew that my choice that i would soon have to make would require alot of sacrifice. But i am not scared. I never really cared if i die or not. But at least i would really be a happy man if i died the same way my dad will die. And i wanted to live the life he lived.
We all know very well what pain comes with every choice that we make. My Dad endured the pain and he established the Wan family. Because of him he broke off from the Original wan family tradition of worshipping idols. He gave us 3 a new life, a life of truth. Because he was rejected by his family i was accepted into the family. What greater honour could there be than this??
I know that it is easy to hate God knowing that your own father will die because of his service to God. But who are we to choose how we will die? But i know very well we can choose what to die for. If my father died because of his service to God, than i would not mind being martyred because of God too. At least i know that i will die for a very good cause no matter how gruesome but only because of my service to God. If you ask me, this is how a man should live his life.
My father is a very well respectable man, but yet never once has he boasted of his strength and achievements. But because of that his children never boasted of our background. People think that being a pastor's child is a good thing. I think so too. But i will never boast about it because even my own father never did.
I am very sorry for the long post, but i had to write it down. Afterall, which man could look at the face of death and smile?? And continue working for what very well could kill him? That man is truly a man of man.
4:06 PM
