Sometimes i wonder in a relationship, who is the ultimate loser? The guy? Or the girl? I am very well aware people think of me as a playboy. But all they see are just outward appearance. My lovelife? I am the biggest loser. Funny how i had 9 ex girlfriends, yet never in my life have i dumped a girl before. I always end up getting dumped and cheated. So i ask you, a playboy would usually be the one dumping and cheating on girls. But if i am a playboy, why am i doing exactly the opposite of being cheated and being dumped?
I believe in a relationship, both sides have to give. Yes in a relationship, i can give the girl my best of the best. But if i were to keep giving, i would end up with nothing to give anymore. A love life is like trading. You give and you recieve for both sides. The same way for the other party. In this way both sides would never have to be left empty handed. But if you were to give your love to someone else, both of you would be left with lesser things to offer.
I would just do simple maths now to prove my above theory. Say i have 10 apples. And triffany have 10 apples. I give one, she give one. We both still have 10. Say i give her 5, she would have 15 and i would have 5. So she in turns give me 5 so we would balance out equally again! But if i were to give 5 of my apples to some other girl, triffany and i would be left with only 15 apples. And those apples represent the love in a relationship. You give those apples to someone else and you will soon be left with no apples.
I am not very sure now why is she sms'ing me lesser. Sometimes not even sms'ing me. sometiems with short and mono-tone replies. Maybe she is trying to save her sms, maybe she already found someone better. Maybe she is really busy. Or maybe something is bothering her. Im just practically stuck and confuse about my next step. But im not prepared to get rash about things anymore i guess. My life principle still stands. Never piss a girl off and i will never pester a girl. And never cling onto a girl.
They told me what goes around, comes around. But i dunno what i did to deserve this. Being played so badly and getting so screwed up. I try very hard not to be unfaithful. But it ends up that i get cheated. I was so close to giving up and being what they say i am. A playboy. But when i went out with edwin, he told me that there is really no point being a playboy. People can play me and cheat on me, doesnt mean i stoop to their level and play on girls too.
I am just not in the mood for anything these few days. No mood to study. No mood for anything at ALL!! I just wonder if the world still has some goodness in it anymore. When we are young, we go to school and we hate it. When we are older, we get a job and we loathe it. Then when we are useless you retire and you are deemed useless. Its like we study just so the world can live off our hard work. So makes me wonder, who the hell are we actually working for? And when we are on our death bed, does my O lvl, diploma cert matter to me anymore? And what exactly is life all about?? They told me to live life happily, but i am not exactly happy at all. They told me to live life to its fullest and there i am mugging my brains out missing out on things.
I wonder who my real friends are. Church people?? Or the friends whom the world deemed as useless people. Everyone would say that church friends are better considering they are a better and nicer bunch of people. I deem it otherwise. yes they are nice to hang out with. But when it comes down to it, i came from a totally different world from them. Yes there are fun guys to hang out with too. But do they actually want to hang out? I call them out and most of em are always studying or busy. And sometimes they say yes, but they end up not coming. So this is the same i am going to do to them too. But what about those people whom i call brothers outside.? Yes they are a bunch of gangsters and they smoke, do illegal trading and stuff. But when i am with them, i actually feel i belong to them knowing we all came from the same world. And they all want to be with me too! They would call me without reminder and ask me out regularly.
Oh sure those people smoke. But who are the better friends i ask you? A bunch of nice and well looked upon people, but who came from totalli different worlds but who is always busy and doesnt even want to go out with you. Or a bunch of gangsters friends who came from the same world as you, loves being with you and enjoys your company?
