Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I know some of you might be reading this entry hoping for something to laugh at or wad. Im sorry but this entry aint gonna be funny. Fact is, this is going to be a post of my inner most feelings. There isnt a need to read it. but i do hope that Baby would read it. I need you to know whats happening to me. Most people who know me are very sure of my temper. Im not those sort that throws my temper whenever i feel like it like a brat. But sometimes just coz one doesnt throw his temper doesnt mean he wun get angry. Sometimes people see me as someone who jokes around and starts making fun. Im really cool with it. But sometimes, some comments really hurt me inside. Im someone with feelings too, and i do get hurt, feel insecure. And i too have my right to express my inner emotions. But i choose not to coz i dun believe that people deserve sucky shit ass attitude from me. But nowadays im putting my relationship with huiling in danger. I tend to get fed up at little things even though i am very sure she has done nothing wrong. Yes baby even though i didnt show it. But i feel so much anger inside me, i dun even know where to direct my anger at?? I walk home and i feel so much anger inside, i dun even know what im angry about? And all i do is just wait for her her sms but each time it doesnt come i get even angrier. Why? I dun expect her to be at my side 24/7 neither do i want her to be at my side 24/7. But sometimes i feel so lousy and depressed i really hope she would say soemthign to cheer me up. Why am i becoming like this? Why do i feel so much anger inside me? Even worse, i dun even know what im angry about? I really have been hoping for a one on one date with her so i could tell her things from my heart. But i guess its been so long since we went out as a couple. I cant take it anymore so im writing it all out here. I really do wanna go back to riverside and see a peaceful scenery and tell her things from my heart. She is afterall the second closest girl to me after my mother. I guess i kinda got it figured out. This anger is built up bit after bit time by time. I realise i take in rubbish from friends. They throw their attitude at me and i just keep quiet about it. They shoot insults and i just keep quiet about it. They seem like little, but its starting to built up after so long. I need to go back to my old habits where i find a quiet place to sit down again and think through life. Find peace again with mother nature. Now that i chose Huiling to be the second closest girl to me, she would bound to be the one who knows most about me. And oso the one with higher chances of having me blow my top at her for nothing. How can i ever be so unfair to her? I love her and she truly is a wonderful girl. But sometimes i just dunno where to direct my anger at! Thats the worst feeling to ever feel. Especially what makes you angry comes from all sorts of groups i hang out with. And im not going to let huiling take responsibilty of so many people's nonsense. Coz its just not plain fair to her. You know dear readers. Soemtimes in life, we all cant be selfish all the time. Doing what pleases us all the time. Just coz someone pisses us off doesnt mean we throw our temper at everybody who doesnt deserve it. It just isnt fair. How would you like it if one day my mom pisses me off and i come meet you up and starting throwing my attitude at you? I chose not to do that anymore coz i know deep inside its not fair to the people who dun deserve it. You didnt make me angry, why should you get shit attitude from me? Maybe this is soemthing i have been wanting to tell ALL of my frens no matter which group you are in. Its that sometimes we have to learn to think about others. I regretted it before. Maybe friendship would be better if we all thought of others as to how they would feel?Im sorry for my directness but i dun believe i should continue pretending everything is fine and i feel horrible deep within. People close to me should know how i feel. Thats the most fair thing to them. And oso to my dearest girlfriend Chan Huling. I love you through and through. And im really trying to give you the best of me. But im no superman. Would you help me?Replies to tags =]Xavier : hahaha. ok la. I think u won le. ahhaha. Venus: No? Number 1 is Xavier -_- sob sobMing Li : No lor. I nvr show my penis can le. ahhahaha. cute hor my mama? I love her laaaa. hahahhaHuiling : 0.0? huh? Go lor. hahahaha
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